The good people of Cockahoop didn’t much like the talk of poop
But the life that they’d known so well was in danger of going to hell.
“We’re not inclined to cause a ruckus, but this hog nonsense could sorely fuck us.
The impact on the environment will surely be to our detriment!”
Lagoons of manure! Cacophonous squealing! Millions of flies! How unappealing
That down the road just half a mile would wallow in conditions vile
Two thousand hogs a-slopping there, polluting the water and fouling the air.
This isn’t about the virtues of bacon. It’s about the mess that these hog lots are making!
In Iowa, where pork is king, one expects that this sort of thing
Would happen with some frequency, and that anyone with decency
Wouldn’t dare to stand in opposition to Iowa’s proud pork-flavored tradition.
Even in Iowa, deeds odoriferous meet with resistance staunchly vociferous.
Beating their breasts and gnashing their teeth, the Cockahoopians demanded relief
From legislators and the governor, too. “Do the job you were elected to do—
Advocacy, service, whatever you call it. Or are you beholden to the pork lobby’s wallet?
17 billion a year is a big business, indeed, but we implore you to listen to the citizens’ needs.”
The officials, true to form, danced a political jig around the issue of the damnable pigs.
“Operations of twenty-five hundred or more trigger the requirement of permits and licenses galore.
Under twenty-five hundred, there is no provision for an injunction, abeyance, or legal decision
To prohibit the hog lots–stinky, malodorous. In the next election, we hope you will vote for us!”
The people of Cockahoop wailed and they scoffed: “Are our politicians just pigs at the trough?
Our environs will be spoiled and irreparably sullied, and as citizens, we feel decidedly bullied
By an industry solely focused only on money and the proliferation of hams baked with honey.
If only our neighborhood smelled so delicious! The reality is something much more perditious.”
So, as it stands now, Iowa’s awash with hog shit. That’s the least and the most of it.
Loopholes allow for an environment degraded, while the lust for bacon continues unabated.
The laws don’t protect citizens, only corporations, and ensure that entities like hog operations
Will live alongside us, whether we like it or not. Our politicians have long since been bought.
Invite your legislator for a nice BLT, and while you’re at it, say, “The issue for me
Is that I care about water and air and the land, and I dearly hope that you will understand
That, while I am fond of ham–yes, Ma’am, I am–about the environment I do give a damn.
It’s time that you thought about some regulation of these horrible, detestable hog operations!”
Just a coda before I leave you to think. It’s not the small farmers who cause Iowa to stink.
Not being kosher is putting it lightly, and there’s no way to address the issue politely.
The threat isn’t local or even homegrown, because the corporations involved don’t call Iowa home.
Like the people of Cockahoop, we’ll rattle our sabers because we won’t tolerate hogs as our neighbors!
But will we abide those pigs as politicians, who fail to stand up for the citizens’ positions?
Their lack of advocacy is woeful and sad, but their craven obsequiousness is nearly as bad.
Our environment we cannot easily reclaim. We shan’t forsake it, even in bacon’s name!
The hogs aren’t the problem, merely symptomatic, of a system that is utterly undemocratic.